Added: Tisa Pyburn - Date: 05.12.2021 16:26 - Views: 46899 - Clicks: 4973
In the late s, I was working as a freelance writer for many magazines and journals, especially those associated with the Orthodox Jewish world. I did so, and attempted to submit the piece to one of the religious magazines where I was a weekly contributor.
This lack of visibility has plagued the small but growing community of Orthodox people who are lesbian, Frum guy for nice girl, bisexual or transgender LGBT. The situation continues today, despite all the progress being made on LGBT rights in the secular world. Partially, this is because of lack of access to modern media, but partially it is because of the extreme forms of community censure to which Orthodox Jews who come out are often subjected.
It is not unheard of for a parent to lose all access to their children, for acid to be thrown, for family members to sit shiva and mourn the gay person as if they are dead. As a result, the majority of Orthodox Jews who are gay are not out in their communities and struggle with integrating their religious and sexual selves, as well as with finding a compatible life partner. I started the blog Frum Gay Girl in mid-Augustwith the hope of creating visibility and a voice for all those who must remain anonymous within the Orthodox world.
Occasionally, there are interviews with rabbis, psychotherapists, or the children or parents of gay Orthodox Jews. Through the blog, I have been able to reach people in the most ultra-Orthodox communities who call me or me clandestinely from a public library. As a result, the blog received thousands of views from Orthodox women, sparking lively internal debate within the community. Even online groups for the most ultra-Orthodox sectors have had intense online discussions, in Yiddish, about the blog.
Frum Gay Girl is viewed around the world and has a very large readership in conservative Muslim countries. I imagine this interest is because a religious Muslim who is gay would have many of the same concerns about coming out and about rejection from the religious community.
I am gay, and I live within a Chassidic community with my eight children. Unlike most of my gay friends, I am out. I have lost all I am going to lose, and as a result, I feel safe enough to actively search, through word of mouth, for people willing to be interviewed about their life experiences.
The following three interviews are the first in an ongoing series.
I generally conduct the interviews by phone after initial contact is made through. I type the interview as the person speaks, and then send it to them for approval and changes. After they return it to me, I edit it and send it to them again for a final approval. I tell those whom I interview that if, for any reason, they become uncomfortable or feel they are in danger, even after the interview is posted, I will take it down.
For those who need to conceal their identity, I change multiple details in the edited version. The young student in the first interview is someone who was referred to me by one of the founders of Eshel. She is attractive, intelligent, nervous. She worries obsessively about exposure. She asks me to delete items, to change things, to make sure no one knows it is her in the interview.
She calls me up later, several times, to ask me to Frum guy for nice girl more from the interview. I met with her in person when I was traveling. The rabbinical trans person has been a friend of mine for several years, is married to another friend of mine, and is part of the Eshel community. She started off as a lesbian but has moved on to identify, now, as a trans person. This rabbi is androgynous, lively, and brilliantly intelligent, one of the best dancers I know, an excellent cook, and a snappy dresser.
I interviewed the rabbi over the phone, though I see this person on a regular basis. The Chassidic grandmother is typical of her community. She wears a sheitel wig or a scarf at all times, stockings, and very modest clothing.
She is funny and warm, a good cook, and a loving mother to her large family. She never swears or drinks or raises her voice.
It is unlikely that she has any interaction with the non-Jewish world. I interviewed her via a chat session on Facebook. Chronology, location, names, and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of these three people. I am twenty-three. In college, I was an observant Jew.
I wanted to be part of Chabadso right at the beginning of my college experience, I moved to a frum neighborhood and became integrated into the Chabad community. Basically, my life was the Chabad community. But then, over the past year, I became unhappy with how fake I had to be, to be a part of Chabad.
She said people would not be able to trust me to keep their standard of kashrus [kosher]. I decided it would be simpler to keep things as they were. I am their caregiver, and I feel I need to stay frum for them, because they have gone through a lot of trauma already. Unfortunately, last week I had to go to another state to take care of my sister, but those kids all call me and I read them bedtime stories over the phone—kosher stories from kosher publishers.
Hopefully, I will be back soon and be able to work with them again. I definitely want to keep a connection with them, because their mother passed away almost five years ago, and their father is very sick, too. Two of the kids have special needs, and there are a lot of challenges in their home.
Mostly, though, there is the trauma of losing their mother. I was originally hired because they needed a female presence in the house. It was funny to me that I, of all people, was that person. It was a natural thing for those five little kids to see me in the role of Mommy. It was really important work. It would change our interactions. It would be cruel. No one knows. I hope not, anyway. It would have a very negative impact on the way I am perceived and the way people decide to interact with me.
Orthodox Jews view being gay as a challenge you are meant to overcome. That view is so pervasive. Just not in front of me. Those people in the community mean a lot to me.
And I really love the children who lost their mother. I want to be a part of their lives, and I would really hate for that to be taken away from me or for me to be taken away from them. We have formed a really ificant bond, and it would be horrible for all of us if that were severed. People have hidden beliefs when they are Chassidic.
You are full of klipah [spiritual impurity], and it would drag down my home. In the frum community there is always a lot of pressure to get married and have a large family. To me, it felt very bad. She would have been horrified. It was weird having a girlfriend while I lived in the frum community. I was very closeted, but half an hour away, in [the local gay area], I was super out.
I had her sleep over. After the meal, we were just out walking, but my girlfriend had a tiny pride button on her coat. I made her hide it. And then, after shabbos, we were hanging out late at night, when everyone was sleeping. We were just sitting in my car, and she leaned over and kissed me, and I had a fit!
It was a. She laughed at me. Who would see? I was so paranoid, I started coming up with a list. I was very clear about it. I knew I could lose my job, my finances, my housing, my friends, my community, my adopted family. Anyway, when I had already been part of the Chabad community for a while, my rebbetzin sent me away to a religious seminary.
The seminary rabbi gave an explanation for why people are gay. That was so uncomfortable! It was the worst explanation ever! Also, in the seminary, trans people and sexuality in general were always made fun of and looked down on. They were discussed as disgusting things to be shunned. It was so upsetting. Even then, I knew Jewish trans people. As a result of the seminary rabbi, I became alienated and distanced. Eventually, I felt suicidal and ended up in hospital for a while, trying to work through my feelings about queerness and Judaism.
It was part of the reason I had to move out of that house. And Frum guy for nice girl, I was different, not as involved in Chabad life, but still connected. So many people in [the local gay area] have had bad experiences with religion and want nothing to do with it. All I want is to fit in and be normal. And not stigmatized. Before I had to leave to take care of my sister, I hung out with people who used to be frum. We got together on Friday night. We made kiddushwe made a seuda [meal] on shabbos day, but we went out on dates right afterward. My partner is upset at how religious I am, and at me being shomer shabbos.
It feels like I can never satisfy both parts of myself. My rebbetzin is very honest herself. Most frum Jews are very careful about that, but she is special. She asks me to be honest about my level of observance, to understand what I could lose by not being frum. She innocently trusts me to say the truth about whether or not I am shomer shabbos. Now that I am living with my sister, my rebbetzin calls me up and asks me to keep shabbos and go to shul [synagogue]. We are married now!
She had a very close friend who turned Frum guy for nice girl to be a frum lesbian. I know two lesbians in the local Chassidic community. One of them is the head of an organization for gay frum Jews. I called her up, and she was really understanding. I was in seminary at the time, so we met clandestinely. I met her wife, too, and we had a whole conversation about being queer and frum. She gave me the contact information for a frum lesbian in my community.
It was all word of mouth. It was beautiful! In my experience, there has only been one rabbi who was compassionate to my whole situation. Because of his accepting attitude, I came out to him. I wanted to ask him what I should do. He said there are other things you can do as a Jewish woman. He also referenced a gay man who got married and had a. He was a baal teshuva [returnee to Judaism], and he was supposedly a hippie before he became frum, so that might have affected his worldview.Frum guy for nice girl
email: [email protected] - phone:(465) 836-7347 x 8514
Frum Gay Girl